Beer Pong - For the average asshole student

Everyone knows beer pong, we've all watched shitty American teen flicks and seen the jocks ace it and get the bitches. Hook shots left right and center. Balls deep in those holes. The cups holes you dirty minded freak... What would your mother think, jesus man. And yeah, I didn't capitalise jesus because I'm badass like that. Anyway other than staring death in the face, I do play a bit of beer pong from time to time and I'm here to give you some tips! Yeah! Like that tip you're ganna give that hot chick over there! So you don't completely embarrass yourself before throwing up on that hot piece of ass you had your eyes on all night. The sex jokes are there because it's a party scene ya fucking druggo and also because I'm bored as hell.

Anyway, moving right the fuck on. If any of you alcoholics don't know the rules to beer pong, here's a link.

http://www.bpong.com/beer-pong-rules/

We both know you won't look at it or really even remember it past your next few drinks but to keep this blog somewhat informative I thought I may as well chuck it in. You know, for the aspiring alcoholics, they're people too. Granted they aren't very fun people...yet.

Ok so the tips. I have a few of them and well honestly they're pretty straight forward.

The first one is to focus on shooting it in one hole at a time, like with girls there's no point trying to bag every single one at once. Focus on the easiest to get and work your way from there once you have a few notches on your belt and some god damn confidence.

Next on the list is it's all in the wrist. Just like a good wank or hand job it's all about that wrist. Yeah yeah I could have compared it to tennis but where's the fun in that. Players that use a karate chop shot often walk away from the table in shame because they suck at both life and beer pong. They'll never get laid. Instead try work that sexy wrist flick into your shot.

Has anyone here actually played basketball? No? Well shit. Ok well if you were cool enough to have played the sport for any length of time you'd know that after every shot the have to follow through. You use your whole body to make a shot and not just your arm. Don't be like those roided up jocks who just peg the ball into the cup, have some god damn class. You might have not been able to score with that stunner over there but I'll make sure you can at least get your ball wet.

The last one goes fairly unnoticed and it's all about rhythm. If you and the members of your team keep missing your damn shots you can try to change the shooting order. "How will this help" they all ask inquisitively? Well I'm about to drop a knowledge bomb on you fuckers. *Real talk alert* As with anything in life when you're not in the mood or 'feeling it' you won't perform well. Sometimes all you need to do is break out of routine and in this case just switch the order in which your members shoot in.

That's all the wisdom I have for today. Not everything in life is important but if you suck at beer pong you can say good bye to your chances of hooking up with Stacey, and her mum.

-Bassam