Why whisky is a manly drink

So yeah there's been a post about whisky before but whisky is awesome so fuck it. I'm here today to tell you why whisky is manly as fuck. It'll turn your life around, all you need to do is try it! Yeah I'm trying to become a motivational speaker but it's really tough when you tell people to drink and then they get lazy.

Ok so let's get this shit started. The Irish are awesome and that has a lot to do with how bloody good their whisky is. They love it so much that the name whisky actually means 'water of life' in Gaelic.Everyone knows that water is the basis of all life on earth and without water we'd all die, so, technically, whisky is life. Of course that may have just been a marketing ploy in order to sell more whisky but eh.

Here's an awesome picture that explains...some other shit. I hope you all know that scotch is just the Scottish version of whisky...if you didn't then you have two choices. 1) Leave. 2) Get off your ass, head down to an establishment with some booze and sit around a table playing poker while smoking cigars and sipping this damn fine concoction.

                         

I would point out that the 'developing and interest in sex' point is more from the perspective of women to you, as long as they're straight obviously... But there have been reports that the sheer manliness exuding from certain individuals after a few glasses of the good stuff has been enough to turn lesbians straight. Food for thought. 

For men, giving one another a bottle of whisky shows that you respect them as a man and encourage displays of this manliness through the consumption of whisky. When was the last time you looked at a guy drinking whisky and thought "That guy's a fucking pussy!" The answer is never because real men drink whisky. It's like manliness in a bottle and if you have aspirations of becoming a man all you need to do is pour yourself some water of life and down that shit!

I've taken the time to ask groundskeeper Wille if it's required for a man to drink whisky and he replied...

Look how manly he is, all thanks to whisky. He'll punch your face off if you say otherwise.

Anyway, that's my time for today. Drink up and make sure it's whisky! 

-Bassam

Uncle Mings! - Just a quick post

So a week ago it was my brothers 18th! And thank fuck we don't have to wait until 21 to drink in the land down under...well publicly. No one really paid attention to that law right? No? Good good haha. Why am I even asking, this is a blog that alcoholics read...well not really sure if anyone actually reads this blog but I'd like to think I'm cheering some lonely fucker up. Anyway! No idea why i'm in a good mood today considering this week has been pretty shit, I've talked about it on my other blog, http://shitigotupto.blogspot.com.au/ so you can check that out if you want, but fuck it I'm in a good mood. Back to the topic at hand, so my brother is one of those "oh nah man I'll never drink alcohol is bad for you" bla bla bla kind of people. Which, as you know, is in stark contrast to how I conduct myself. I've tackled a goat for looking at me funny for fuck sake. Ok so my brother, we managed to get five drinks into him which was enough to get him tipsy. Hey hey I know five isn't anything but it's a leg up from Mr. I'm ganna stay sober. At least I got "Hey Bassam...I'm feeling dizzy". It was just a casual night out at Uncle Mings with a few mates. All in all I have no complaints about it. We even went for krispy kremes and a maccas run afterwards because who doesn't want liver failure and a heart attack. But you know the night wasn't completely uneventful, I did get a slapped on the ass by this cute girl, even got her number. Wayyyyyyyy out of my league but eh, might ask her out at some point. We've been chatting but nothing serious. I'm just stoked I got my brother to get out, he's really fucking lazy sometimes. I love him but holy shit! I don't get it...every time he comes out he has a good time so it's not like there's a reason to not go out other than him just not wanting to get off his ass. God damn. He really needs to get laid. Then again, it's been like a good month for me so I can't really say shit. But hell, if you're ever in Sydney and you want a chill place to go to, hit up Uncle Mings and ask for Stephen, Mia or J-man, they'll hook you up with some good shit.

Well if you've read my post on the other blog you'd know that I've been getting drunk a few times this week...three to be exact or was it two...fuck knows. Yeah that's bad for my liver but that's kinda healing anyway so eh, shit happens. Anyways last night I went back to Uncle motherfucking Mings, saw my bartender mate, Stephen and had a great time with a few mates I hadn't seen in months. Only had three drinks the whole night, I was pretty proud of myself...well until I had the four smokes but you know, baby steps. Not sure what it is but people I'm with get the shits that I make 'friends' everywhere I go. You know, just casual conversation to bartenders, bouncers rand random people, because I like talking. I mean fuck, I'm writing a blog about absolutely nothing and most of it is just rambling so I guess you've kinda figured I like to run my mouth a bit. Anyways so yeah they get annoyed but this time I didn't even start the conversation and my mates rolled their eyes haha. I was smoking this mini cigar and this random was like "damn man, I didn't think anyone smoked these anymore, that's awesome", hey man his words not mine. So I just started talking to him. But apparently I have a problem when it comes to talking to strangers, I really don't see the problem but it's been mentioned on multiple occasions.

I just realised this isn't turning into just a quick post and I'd almost forgotten to chuck in a drunk story! The audacity of me, shame shall be mine forever. So on the way home, I'd gotten off the bus and I was just walking to my car, I bumped into this drunk chick walking out of a club in my area, ore rather she bumped into me and kinda collapsed in my arms. What was I ganna do? Of course I caught her, I wasn't just ganna let her fall on the floor, jeez man... But yeah the club is pretty shit but I live about an hour away from the city so if you're not bothered to trek all the way there then it's not too bad. Ok so apparently this chick had gotten into a fight with her boyfriend about cheating on him or something. How do you know this you ask, well he came running out of the club, and at me, yelling "IS THIS THE MOTHERFUCKER YOU'VE BEEN SCREWING?!" I wasn't really sure what to do here so I put the drunk girl down on a bench only to turn around just in time to see this drunk fuck attempt to jump kick me. To put it simply...he missed. He thought I was a tree, or rather that the tree was me. He then sprung up and said "Woah...*burp*...I don't *hiccup* want any trouble man...I just... *puke*...yeah." Then he just walked the fuck away... Meanwhile the bouncer was just having a smoke, oh yeh mate just have a smoke while this crazy drunk asshole comes and tries to beat the shit out of me. I walked up to him, after putting the girl in a cab, and asked why the fuck didn't he come and help. His answer was golden. "Yeah, well you see man, I'd have loved to, like really but the thing is they only pay me to monitor shit 10m around this place. You were like at least 15m or so. So really my hands were tied." At least I know I can throw rocks at the motherfucker from 11m away and he can't do shit about it. He wasn't happy when I expressed this sentiment as I briskly walked away.

Anyways that's all I really have to say today. Stay safe and have a beer or six. Later!

-Bassam