I was sober last night...

So first off Viet the underling may come back and write a blog post every now and then. I don't know if that's news to get excited or disappointed about but it's news.

Ah well time to start the monotony. So I went to a birthday party last night full of people I either haven't met before or hardly knew. I hardly knew the guy it was for but Isaiah is a cool dude and we get along. The worst part is that I was sober... I mean it is all my fault but I'd like you to think I'm innocent in all of this, much like a puppy or small child. Wait...small children are dicks. They have no empathy at all and seek to make the lives of everyone around them a living hell, especially on a plane. Holy shit stop crying! Yeah I know they can't help it but it doesn't help that the parents drink enough so that they can fall asleep and neglect this little miracle. There should totally be a sign in all airports "We love children but please keep your little miracles at home. They never fucking shut up. Thank you". I love my tangents don't I... Anyway, back to the story. I went waaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy over the drinks amount my doctor prescribed for this week so I, you know, don't die. But I took some meds and it's all good, for now. I doubled my limit on Monday. And then I ran...oh god don't ever run after drinking. Re flux is horrible. Then on Wednesday I went to Uncle Mings again, no regrets. I did get hit...a lot. I mean I guess I was a massive smartass but it's all in good fun hey.

As you can tell this week was off to a smashing start! So basically if I didn't want to die I couldn't drink at this party. I thought it wouldn't be too bad. I'd like to preface this by saying I am usually right about most things. I have a fair understanding of how interactions will work out and all that shit. Now in saying that...I have never been so wrong about how a night would turn out... Well there was this one Valentines day...but that's for later. So you know how you go into a party as friend of a friend and people generally make conversation to help you ease into all their inside jokes and shit? Well these fuckers didn't do any of that shit. They were just like "Who the fuck is this new kid? Ah well, let's just not say hi or anything." So I pretty much third wheeled with Viet and his girlfriend, Tara, all night. Sober. Stone cold sober. I mean Viet is an asshole, that's why he's my mate and I love him. Tara is nice too but you know, shit can only get you so far when it comes to the F-factor. Fun factor...get your minds out of the gutter. Bloody sickos all of you.

I think the most exciting thing about this party was Jun and Valerie cooking Korean food. It was fucking amazeballs! They are the cutest couple ever. Valerie had one drink and was off her faceeee! She was pretending she was a character from a game called League of Legends. And then she fell asleep so the party got boring again. So what I'm trying to say is that alcohol fixes things. You know...don't fuck your liver up like me but if things are awkward and you can drink...drink.

Oh fuck how could I forget, thanks for reminding me Tara. My reversing skills are second to none. So what you do when you want someone freak the fuck out is find an empty street and reverse really fast. Now...the catch is to swerve left and right in sharp motions in order to add the effect of a roller coaster but in the comfort of a Toyota Corolla. It's bloody brilliant.

As a side note. Every guy should know this. This is a mans survival guide to an angry woman. Step 1, listen. Step 2, agree with her complaints. Step 3, give her wine, chocolate and tell her to lie down while watching her favourite show. Step 4, actually fix the problem while she's asleep. Step 5, the final step and the most important to men....drink the rest of the wine...

An exchange from the party last night...

Me: Sorry Isaiah I'm ganna head off. I don't really know all that many people here.
Isaiah: All good mate, cheers for coming round. Should go grabs drinks soon.
Me: Yeah man for sure.
Fabio: Hey man! You know me!
Me: Yeah but you're awkward as fuck.
*Walks away from laughter leaving Fabio confused and embarrassed*

Price of fuel: $5
Look on Fabios face: Priceless
And for everything else, there's Mastercard.

I know...I need to get sponsors.

That's my time for today. Hopefully I'll get this new blog up soon. I just have to figure out how much I'm willing to share.

-Bassam