I'm back my friends, or well anyone who's depressed enough to be reading this terrible blog. So the thing is...I'm not the best son in the world, I almost forgot that it was mothers day today. I know I should be shunned! I mean I didn't completely forget so hold off on the angry mob for a second while I rant for a bit about wine. Oh right, that anecdote about mothers day actually has something to do with wine, crazy right. So basically what happened was that dad casually asked last night around 11 pm if I'd gotten mum a present. Of course I replied over enthusiastically to cover up the fact that I was fighting the urge to shit myself because I'd forgotten all about it. And yeah a bloody great time to remind your forgetful son about mothers day right, I'm convinced he knew I'd forgotten and it was all a set up. In any case this morning I went down to good old Dan Murphys, yeah yeah shut up, and picked up this wine she's been going on and on about. Yeah fuck you for thinking I can't remember anything at all, you judgmental so and so. Anyway, I don't know much about wine but this damn thing was a $200 Chardonnay. Guess who just went from a shit son to a...well slightly less shitty one. Yeah, you guessed it. Me! It was me. I should be a game show host... I mean I could just drink to cover up the stage fright and who doesn't like watching drunk people try to do things. That's a million dollar idea right there! This blog is going to make me rich, the ideas it gives me a gold. Fuck, where was I...oh right! So bla bla she was happy with it, good for me, yay.
I've said this before and I'll be dammed if I don't say it a few more times before my liver completely gives out and I lay in a hospital bed wondering why they aren't handing me a shot glass to dull the pain. Huh...that reminds me...I need a drink! Back to my point, I've never been the biggest fan of wine. I mean I'll drink it but it wouldn't be my first choice. Let's be real, I'm an alcoholic, it's not like I'd skip drinking if all there is is wine.
So let's get through this boring stuff about how wine is made and all that jazz. So wine is usually made from grapes, great. The dream is to have some busty chick, in some transparent dress, feed you grapes while you lay on your throne, sipping wine and decide the fate of your subjects. No? Just me then...awkward. It can also be made from other fruit but we've all decided that grapes are the shit when it comes to making wine. I bet the grapes talk shit in the fruit stores, acting all high and mighty just because they are squished up and fermented using yeast to create some of the most elegant blends in the world. These blends just tickle your taste buds, or so my gay friend told me. According to Wikipedia, don't knock it it got me through high school with flying colours, the first records of wine are traced back to Georgia around 6000 BC. It then made its way to Greece and Rome where they loved this shit so much that they were convinced that this was god sent. The Greeks had Dionysus, literally the god of parties, and then the Romans were all like, "Man that shit looks g, let's just say that Dionysus is our god too". Usually the Romans would at least change the names of the gods they 'adapted' but in this case they were all probably too drunk to care.
Just look at these two smug bastards, sipping on that wine. He's going to ruin her later tonight.
"One should always be drunk. That's all that matters...But with what? With wine, with poetry, or with virtue, as you chose. But get drunk." - Charles Baudelaire
-Bassam
References:
Info from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wine
Picture from http://winetastingguy.com/
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