Let me tell you why alcohol is fucking great. First of all it has a myriad of uses, yeah I'm just busting out the vocab today. If you've had a good day then you should celebrate with a drink, get drunk, make some mistakes and balance out your day with of all the drunk decisions you've made. It's a necessary evil used to even out the world. You could also have a few if your day has been pretty shit, just to add some colour to your day and incidentally to your cheeks as well. Maybe your wife left you, you lost your favourite pen, Game of Thrones just got cancelled...you know all the terrible first world problems that can pop up.
*Insert tangent here* I mean I don't usually let you know but this is my god damn blog and I'll do what I want. I swear if Game of Thrones gets cancelled, or George R.R. Martin dies before finishing the books, I'm going to have another one of those benders. The last one was because Robert Jordan died before finishing the The Wheel of Time series... It was fucking 14 books and the last 3 were written by this imbecile by the name of Brandon Sanderson who ruined the entire thing! Ugh...I need a drink. And yes I read! For fuck sake, why are you so damn judgy all the time, you're not my mother.
Another reason we drink is because clubs would suck without alcohol. Fuck that was a seamless transition. What's the first thing you do in a club, yeah that's right you go to the bar and spend all your cash on drinks so you can have fun. Hey fuck you, I know what you're thinking, "This asshole goes and spends his money on drinks wherever he goes, why is he picking on clubs? I love getting my dance on. I always get girls at the club and they so fine. Why am I hitting myself? Oh that's because I'm stupid." Yeah, that's you. The only way you enjoy clubs is if you get drunk or high. Ever been to a club where you had fun and weren't drunk or high, yeah I didn't think so. *Drops the mic and walks away*
*Quickly rushes back to take the mic because he has some more dumb shit to say* My favourite reason to drink is because it's Monday, or really just any day. Let's face it, alcohol makes everything better, that's a fact. I mean if you go overboard and fuck your life up by knocking some chick up then I'd say alcohol isn't for you. But for seasoned veterans such as myself who know how to somewhat control themselves in their drunken stupor, it's the best thing ever. Everyone always says "Getting drunk shows the real you." Hipsters say this shit because they think it makes them sound smart but more importantly it lets them justify all the dumb shit they wear. It's true that alcohol reduces inhibitions and we start to forget societal expectations, which turns us into a bunch of horny, drooling, baby animals. At the end of the day all these higher level functions, that alcohol seems to remove, are what make us human and who we are. It's more accurate to say that alcohol turns us into what we'd be like if we were cavemen. "Oh girl! Me like. Me keep." Yeah, cavemen.
I'm afraid that's all I have time for today, yeah I know you're all so broken up about it. Remember, drink up but don't fuck up...well don't fuck up too badly anyway.
-Bassam
References:
Info from my wonderful and fucked up brain
Picture from http://drunkard.com/issues/03_06/0306_40_reasons.html
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