Alcohol solves my problems, kind of

Moving on to my main point for tonight, alcohol is a great thing. Now I know this is an alcoholics blog but there's ganna be a short PSA announcement. I'm an alcoholic, 100%, no denying that but that doesn't mean I'm proud of it. Yeah I have fun and yeah I'm not a boring motherfucker but at the same time I've fucked up my liver and I've done some shit that I'm not too proud of. The result has been me cutting back on my drinking and if you don't want to lose the people close to you, and you have a problem, you may want to consider slowing the stream down a little.

So fuck all that noise, which asshole said we should stop drinking. He's probably a looser but back to why drinking is awesome. It's an anytime drug. There is no occasion where booze isn't acceptable or encouraged. Don't believe me? You can drink when you're sad, happy, bored, nervous, it's too hot, drunk, when there's free booze and my personal favourite...because it's Monday.

Drinking the right amount to get that good buzz is what it's all about, well for most people. If you can find what it takes to get you there then you're sweet. It's that perfect place where you have enough confidence to chat up those girls that you've been staring at awkwardly from the corner and not too much that you go and throw up on them as soon as you open your mouth. The buzz is bliss, it just makes everything so light and airy, all the dumb shit you worry about during the day just seems to fall away.

I'm too distracted to really talk about much today, my mind is going a million miles an hour at the moment but I needed to get something out. Anyway, I'd like you all to have a drink and toast with me, anyone who reads this is a legend and I'm happy for anyone I've made laugh. Even if it's only a handful of you guys at least...oh god too many feelings. I was having a moment but oh god no, too much for one blog. Drink up!

-Bassam

Why whisky is a manly drink

So yeah there's been a post about whisky before but whisky is awesome so fuck it. I'm here today to tell you why whisky is manly as fuck. It'll turn your life around, all you need to do is try it! Yeah I'm trying to become a motivational speaker but it's really tough when you tell people to drink and then they get lazy.

Ok so let's get this shit started. The Irish are awesome and that has a lot to do with how bloody good their whisky is. They love it so much that the name whisky actually means 'water of life' in Gaelic.Everyone knows that water is the basis of all life on earth and without water we'd all die, so, technically, whisky is life. Of course that may have just been a marketing ploy in order to sell more whisky but eh.

Here's an awesome picture that explains...some other shit. I hope you all know that scotch is just the Scottish version of whisky...if you didn't then you have two choices. 1) Leave. 2) Get off your ass, head down to an establishment with some booze and sit around a table playing poker while smoking cigars and sipping this damn fine concoction.

                         

I would point out that the 'developing and interest in sex' point is more from the perspective of women to you, as long as they're straight obviously... But there have been reports that the sheer manliness exuding from certain individuals after a few glasses of the good stuff has been enough to turn lesbians straight. Food for thought. 

For men, giving one another a bottle of whisky shows that you respect them as a man and encourage displays of this manliness through the consumption of whisky. When was the last time you looked at a guy drinking whisky and thought "That guy's a fucking pussy!" The answer is never because real men drink whisky. It's like manliness in a bottle and if you have aspirations of becoming a man all you need to do is pour yourself some water of life and down that shit!

I've taken the time to ask groundskeeper Wille if it's required for a man to drink whisky and he replied...

Look how manly he is, all thanks to whisky. He'll punch your face off if you say otherwise.

Anyway, that's my time for today. Drink up and make sure it's whisky! 

-Bassam

Uncle Mings! - Just a quick post

So a week ago it was my brothers 18th! And thank fuck we don't have to wait until 21 to drink in the land down under...well publicly. No one really paid attention to that law right? No? Good good haha. Why am I even asking, this is a blog that alcoholics read...well not really sure if anyone actually reads this blog but I'd like to think I'm cheering some lonely fucker up. Anyway! No idea why i'm in a good mood today considering this week has been pretty shit, I've talked about it on my other blog, http://shitigotupto.blogspot.com.au/ so you can check that out if you want, but fuck it I'm in a good mood. Back to the topic at hand, so my brother is one of those "oh nah man I'll never drink alcohol is bad for you" bla bla bla kind of people. Which, as you know, is in stark contrast to how I conduct myself. I've tackled a goat for looking at me funny for fuck sake. Ok so my brother, we managed to get five drinks into him which was enough to get him tipsy. Hey hey I know five isn't anything but it's a leg up from Mr. I'm ganna stay sober. At least I got "Hey Bassam...I'm feeling dizzy". It was just a casual night out at Uncle Mings with a few mates. All in all I have no complaints about it. We even went for krispy kremes and a maccas run afterwards because who doesn't want liver failure and a heart attack. But you know the night wasn't completely uneventful, I did get a slapped on the ass by this cute girl, even got her number. Wayyyyyyyy out of my league but eh, might ask her out at some point. We've been chatting but nothing serious. I'm just stoked I got my brother to get out, he's really fucking lazy sometimes. I love him but holy shit! I don't get it...every time he comes out he has a good time so it's not like there's a reason to not go out other than him just not wanting to get off his ass. God damn. He really needs to get laid. Then again, it's been like a good month for me so I can't really say shit. But hell, if you're ever in Sydney and you want a chill place to go to, hit up Uncle Mings and ask for Stephen, Mia or J-man, they'll hook you up with some good shit.

Well if you've read my post on the other blog you'd know that I've been getting drunk a few times this week...three to be exact or was it two...fuck knows. Yeah that's bad for my liver but that's kinda healing anyway so eh, shit happens. Anyways last night I went back to Uncle motherfucking Mings, saw my bartender mate, Stephen and had a great time with a few mates I hadn't seen in months. Only had three drinks the whole night, I was pretty proud of myself...well until I had the four smokes but you know, baby steps. Not sure what it is but people I'm with get the shits that I make 'friends' everywhere I go. You know, just casual conversation to bartenders, bouncers rand random people, because I like talking. I mean fuck, I'm writing a blog about absolutely nothing and most of it is just rambling so I guess you've kinda figured I like to run my mouth a bit. Anyways so yeah they get annoyed but this time I didn't even start the conversation and my mates rolled their eyes haha. I was smoking this mini cigar and this random was like "damn man, I didn't think anyone smoked these anymore, that's awesome", hey man his words not mine. So I just started talking to him. But apparently I have a problem when it comes to talking to strangers, I really don't see the problem but it's been mentioned on multiple occasions.

I just realised this isn't turning into just a quick post and I'd almost forgotten to chuck in a drunk story! The audacity of me, shame shall be mine forever. So on the way home, I'd gotten off the bus and I was just walking to my car, I bumped into this drunk chick walking out of a club in my area, ore rather she bumped into me and kinda collapsed in my arms. What was I ganna do? Of course I caught her, I wasn't just ganna let her fall on the floor, jeez man... But yeah the club is pretty shit but I live about an hour away from the city so if you're not bothered to trek all the way there then it's not too bad. Ok so apparently this chick had gotten into a fight with her boyfriend about cheating on him or something. How do you know this you ask, well he came running out of the club, and at me, yelling "IS THIS THE MOTHERFUCKER YOU'VE BEEN SCREWING?!" I wasn't really sure what to do here so I put the drunk girl down on a bench only to turn around just in time to see this drunk fuck attempt to jump kick me. To put it simply...he missed. He thought I was a tree, or rather that the tree was me. He then sprung up and said "Woah...*burp*...I don't *hiccup* want any trouble man...I just... *puke*...yeah." Then he just walked the fuck away... Meanwhile the bouncer was just having a smoke, oh yeh mate just have a smoke while this crazy drunk asshole comes and tries to beat the shit out of me. I walked up to him, after putting the girl in a cab, and asked why the fuck didn't he come and help. His answer was golden. "Yeah, well you see man, I'd have loved to, like really but the thing is they only pay me to monitor shit 10m around this place. You were like at least 15m or so. So really my hands were tied." At least I know I can throw rocks at the motherfucker from 11m away and he can't do shit about it. He wasn't happy when I expressed this sentiment as I briskly walked away.

Anyways that's all I really have to say today. Stay safe and have a beer or six. Later!

-Bassam

Beer Pong - For the average asshole student

Everyone knows beer pong, we've all watched shitty American teen flicks and seen the jocks ace it and get the bitches. Hook shots left right and center. Balls deep in those holes. The cups holes you dirty minded freak... What would your mother think, jesus man. And yeah, I didn't capitalise jesus because I'm badass like that. Anyway other than staring death in the face, I do play a bit of beer pong from time to time and I'm here to give you some tips! Yeah! Like that tip you're ganna give that hot chick over there! So you don't completely embarrass yourself before throwing up on that hot piece of ass you had your eyes on all night. The sex jokes are there because it's a party scene ya fucking druggo and also because I'm bored as hell.

Anyway, moving right the fuck on. If any of you alcoholics don't know the rules to beer pong, here's a link.

http://www.bpong.com/beer-pong-rules/

We both know you won't look at it or really even remember it past your next few drinks but to keep this blog somewhat informative I thought I may as well chuck it in. You know, for the aspiring alcoholics, they're people too. Granted they aren't very fun people...yet.

Ok so the tips. I have a few of them and well honestly they're pretty straight forward.

The first one is to focus on shooting it in one hole at a time, like with girls there's no point trying to bag every single one at once. Focus on the easiest to get and work your way from there once you have a few notches on your belt and some god damn confidence.

Next on the list is it's all in the wrist. Just like a good wank or hand job it's all about that wrist. Yeah yeah I could have compared it to tennis but where's the fun in that. Players that use a karate chop shot often walk away from the table in shame because they suck at both life and beer pong. They'll never get laid. Instead try work that sexy wrist flick into your shot.

Has anyone here actually played basketball? No? Well shit. Ok well if you were cool enough to have played the sport for any length of time you'd know that after every shot the have to follow through. You use your whole body to make a shot and not just your arm. Don't be like those roided up jocks who just peg the ball into the cup, have some god damn class. You might have not been able to score with that stunner over there but I'll make sure you can at least get your ball wet.

The last one goes fairly unnoticed and it's all about rhythm. If you and the members of your team keep missing your damn shots you can try to change the shooting order. "How will this help" they all ask inquisitively? Well I'm about to drop a knowledge bomb on you fuckers. *Real talk alert* As with anything in life when you're not in the mood or 'feeling it' you won't perform well. Sometimes all you need to do is break out of routine and in this case just switch the order in which your members shoot in.

That's all the wisdom I have for today. Not everything in life is important but if you suck at beer pong you can say good bye to your chances of hooking up with Stacey, and her mum.

-Bassam

Holy shit I'm back! / Lord of the Rings drinking game

Ok so things came up and I didn't really have time to post anything...I feel horrible about not entertaining you assholes, so sorry. I guess. Wait...why am I apologising?! Fuck you all, you don't matter anyway. I had exams and then I forgot about all of you. Well...there aren't enough of you to use the word 'all' but I appreciate the few of you basement dwellers that check in every now and then. Anyway, the reason I forgot about this blog was because I pretty much stopped drinking...yeah. I know, the end of the world is nigh. So basically my cirrhosis got worse for a time so I decided to cut drinking out. This blog did encourage my drinking habits so it wasn't so I guess I lied when I said I forgot about the blog. I cut the blog out. Though now I do have more control over everything and I did enjoy writing even if no one likes it or gives a shit. So here I am you little shits.

I've been thinking about some shit recently, especially since I just broke up with my girlfriend today. Or well let's be fair, she ended it. It's about the itch for the bottle I have right now. I mean who wouldn't love just forgetting everything and waking up in their own vomit! Fucking sounds like a dream to me. The advantage of smelling like vomit is that you don't have to worry about the people you hate coming near you... I guess the people you like won't come around either...but eh, you can't have your cake and eat it too. Fucking stupid expression but whatever, who would want a cake just to have and not for eating. It's like having a toilet and never vomiting in it...bloody useless. Anyways the point is if I drink too much shit gets worse and then I could, maybe, possibly, probably die. From what I hear you can't drink when you're dead. Yep, wouldn't be my blog without being morbid as fuck.

SO! The Lord of the Rings drinking game...fucking fantastic stuff. I've played it many times but there was this one time...that... Ok so I'd just come from Norway and I wanted to impress some people by being able to drink a lot. So basically what happened is that these assholes were taking sips when the rules we said we'd play by were shots every time we had to drink. In 30 minutes I went through a liter of rum.... Long story shot, my mate was asking me about the movie, I'm a LoTR fan, and I projectile vomited in his face from two meters away. It was fucking fantastic and everyone in school gave me high fives the day after. Apparently this was the 5th time he'd been vomited on...so really it's his fault. To top it all off I all but destroyed the rug and his VERY INDIAN mother came home to see me hunched over the toilet with the bathroom covered in vomit. Nothing against Indians but they can be strict a lot of the time and have problems with people drinking at all.... And then my VERY ARABIC father came over in the middle of the night to come pick his idiot son up.... So you know...a great night hahaha

I think I'm just going to keep it short tonight, not really feeling it but I promise I will be back with more horrible grammar and shitty stories.

-Bassam

A new blog! + Some shit about schoolies

So this new blog that I've been going on and on about is finally here! You can find it at http://shitigotupto.blogspot.com.au/ . So this other blog is going to be pretty different, you can read all about it in the introduction there. It will probably take over from this blog bit by bit.

So let me get on with it. So in Australia we have this thing called schoolies. What happens is that after our final exams we all go on a trip somewhere, usually up to the coast, and get fucking drunk for a week. My mates and I weren't really bothered to go up to a crowded city and be in the party scene so we went up to a little place called Woy Woy to chill. Basically we got drunk, fished (kinda) and smoked cigars. Bloody ripper of a time. I got drunk once this trip, sobered up a couple of days after I got home.

So you know this trip is ganna be great when four guys can't carry all the booze up to the rooms in one go. So basically the first thing we did after getting settled into the rooms was drink a bit...well I did. Just opened up a few bottles here and there, just for starters. Now I can't remember exactly which day we met up with my uncles mate but he was a little surprised when I refused a beer. Yes...yes I refused a beer. I mean it was around 3pm or something and I'd had at least a bottle or so by then. One beer leads to another and then the next thing you know I'm being kicked out of the RSL in Woy Woy...not an accolade you'd want. Anyways we had a nice dinner there. Yes, I'm capable of having nice dinners you fuckers. Just because I was drunk doesn't mean I wasn't respectful to the early bird diners there...even though it really didn't matter since they were going to kick the bucket soon. I also would have given them a good story to brighten up their dreary lives of shuffling around...fuck I should have been an asshole to help these poor old people.

After we parted ways with the uncle the plan after that was to go get maggot drunk...or well, in my case, it was to stay drunk and then to go fishing off the pier. We met some interesting characters, one by the name of Tiny, a fucking massive bloke, and the other figure was shrouded in mystery, only to be known as the majestic 'fuck knuckle'. These two interesting characters joined us in our drunken stupors and 'fishing'. Ok so let me clear things up, here in Straya we're allowed to drink in public if we are fishing. Fishing is defined as having a line in the water...it never specified if the line need have a) bait b) a hook or c) a sinker. So it was pretty much 6 drunk idiots sitting on the pier with lines in the water, pay no attention to them at all, smoking and drinking. What more could you ask for!? We even witnessed some gronk being kicked out of his RV after having an argument with his wife! I mean that's quality entertainment right there. He just dragged his ass to the pub, fuckin' Straya.

Sadly we had to part ways with Tiny and fuck knuckle but the fun didn't stop there. We stayed in our motel room drinking and talking shit. We even played shot chess. It's fucking great, you just keep losing pieces so you can drink more. We also played shot bullshit...now everyone knows what bullshit is. If you don't you can go and fuck yourself or look it up, either or. So basically I'd always call bullshit...even if my mates called 1 ace at the start of the game. I'm an alcoholic, if you hadn't figured this out by now. Don't judge me, you're living in your mum's basement. After a solid night of getting drunk and smoking it was time to sleep.

My mates had the best idea of going to play paintball at 7 in the fucking morning. I have a bad back so I told them to fuck right off. In any case they went and left me in a room full of alcohol for 4 or 5 hours... When they got back my face was red as fuck and there were a few empty bottles of whiskey and the like. I mean honestly...what did they expect. The rest of the trip was much the same, us wondering around like drunken toddlers. The only difference between my mates and I was that they sobered up several times throughout the trip...I'm convinced it was so they could laugh at the stupid shit I was doing...like throwing candy out the window trying to hit other drunk people. Or drinking baileys when I'm lactose intolerant. Or just watching me drunk talk for days... At one point we thought it'd be a great idea for four drunk teenagers to take a boat for a spin...ah fuck that was a good trip.

Check out my other blog, it might not be for everyone but give it a go. As always, you can fuck right off now.

-Bassam

I was sober last night...

So first off Viet the underling may come back and write a blog post every now and then. I don't know if that's news to get excited or disappointed about but it's news.

Ah well time to start the monotony. So I went to a birthday party last night full of people I either haven't met before or hardly knew. I hardly knew the guy it was for but Isaiah is a cool dude and we get along. The worst part is that I was sober... I mean it is all my fault but I'd like you to think I'm innocent in all of this, much like a puppy or small child. Wait...small children are dicks. They have no empathy at all and seek to make the lives of everyone around them a living hell, especially on a plane. Holy shit stop crying! Yeah I know they can't help it but it doesn't help that the parents drink enough so that they can fall asleep and neglect this little miracle. There should totally be a sign in all airports "We love children but please keep your little miracles at home. They never fucking shut up. Thank you". I love my tangents don't I... Anyway, back to the story. I went waaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy over the drinks amount my doctor prescribed for this week so I, you know, don't die. But I took some meds and it's all good, for now. I doubled my limit on Monday. And then I ran...oh god don't ever run after drinking. Re flux is horrible. Then on Wednesday I went to Uncle Mings again, no regrets. I did get hit...a lot. I mean I guess I was a massive smartass but it's all in good fun hey.

As you can tell this week was off to a smashing start! So basically if I didn't want to die I couldn't drink at this party. I thought it wouldn't be too bad. I'd like to preface this by saying I am usually right about most things. I have a fair understanding of how interactions will work out and all that shit. Now in saying that...I have never been so wrong about how a night would turn out... Well there was this one Valentines day...but that's for later. So you know how you go into a party as friend of a friend and people generally make conversation to help you ease into all their inside jokes and shit? Well these fuckers didn't do any of that shit. They were just like "Who the fuck is this new kid? Ah well, let's just not say hi or anything." So I pretty much third wheeled with Viet and his girlfriend, Tara, all night. Sober. Stone cold sober. I mean Viet is an asshole, that's why he's my mate and I love him. Tara is nice too but you know, shit can only get you so far when it comes to the F-factor. Fun factor...get your minds out of the gutter. Bloody sickos all of you.

I think the most exciting thing about this party was Jun and Valerie cooking Korean food. It was fucking amazeballs! They are the cutest couple ever. Valerie had one drink and was off her faceeee! She was pretending she was a character from a game called League of Legends. And then she fell asleep so the party got boring again. So what I'm trying to say is that alcohol fixes things. You know...don't fuck your liver up like me but if things are awkward and you can drink...drink.

Oh fuck how could I forget, thanks for reminding me Tara. My reversing skills are second to none. So what you do when you want someone freak the fuck out is find an empty street and reverse really fast. Now...the catch is to swerve left and right in sharp motions in order to add the effect of a roller coaster but in the comfort of a Toyota Corolla. It's bloody brilliant.

As a side note. Every guy should know this. This is a mans survival guide to an angry woman. Step 1, listen. Step 2, agree with her complaints. Step 3, give her wine, chocolate and tell her to lie down while watching her favourite show. Step 4, actually fix the problem while she's asleep. Step 5, the final step and the most important to men....drink the rest of the wine...

An exchange from the party last night...

Me: Sorry Isaiah I'm ganna head off. I don't really know all that many people here.
Isaiah: All good mate, cheers for coming round. Should go grabs drinks soon.
Me: Yeah man for sure.
Fabio: Hey man! You know me!
Me: Yeah but you're awkward as fuck.
*Walks away from laughter leaving Fabio confused and embarrassed*

Price of fuel: $5
Look on Fabios face: Priceless
And for everything else, there's Mastercard.

I know...I need to get sponsors.

That's my time for today. Hopefully I'll get this new blog up soon. I just have to figure out how much I'm willing to share.

-Bassam

Akvavit - The Scandinavians do it better

So to start off, one of my mates suggested that I should do a post where I get progressively more drunk as I write this. This particular asshole is one of my best mates so I will honor his wishes. I can't remember what his exact requests were but I will get him to write them down sometime. I know it involves no backspacing...so enjoy that when it comes around. Also weird shit happened last night, I wasn't drinking but that's not the weirdest part. Some shit never leaves you. If one of my mates wasn't one of my closest friends already...he sure as fuck is now. That's all I'm going to say about that.

Anyways let's get down to business...to defeat the Huns
Did they send me daughters when I asked for sons?
You're the saddest bunch I've ever met
But you can bet before we're though
Mister, I'll make a man out of youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!

The saddest part about that is that I didn't have to look anything up...

And yes, listen to it! He should have just given them akvavit and they'd have manned up real quick.

Moving on. So akvavit is a Scandinavian drink that's similar to vodka but better! I lived in Norway for four and a half years so you bet there is a story at the end of this. The European Union has actually said that in order for this drink to be called akvavit it must have at least 37.5% ABV. Yeah I'm learning things here too, ABV is alcohol by volume, never really bothered too look up what it meant exactly. The root of akvavit is from the latin term aqua vitae, meaning water of life. These guys knew what was up. The earliest known reference of this drink is in 1531 was in an exchange of letter involving some royal fucks from Denmark and Norway. They didn't do anything ever, they just sat their fat, pompous asses on their respective thrones and got drunk of akvavit. I mean why would you ever do anything else, ever. In the spirit of hangovers the Scandinavians usually chase akvavit with beer. Why haven't I ever thought of this before, all alcohol is missing is more alcohol. Like I said akvavit is similar to vodka and I did a post about vodka a few days ago but just in case you alcoholics have already wiped that part of your memory clean, I'll go through how akvavit is made. In Norway they use potatoes but it is also possible to make it from grains. Just speaking from experience, distilling it from potatoes is by far the best way. Depending on the brand it can be flavoured in a number of ways. The most common is caraway but other flavours used include the addition of cardamom, cumin, anise, fennel, dill and lemon or orange peels.          

Oh right, story time. So akvavit is most commonly drunk during celebrations. When my family first moved to Norway we were invited by one of my dads colleagues to attend some birthday or other. I wasn't really paying much attention to whose event it was or where in Oslo this event was being held. Cut me some slack, I was 12 and had just started discovering girls so you can imagine. Anyway so when we got there I noticed a cute girl named Emma. Yeah sue me, her name wasn't very foreign, you'll get over it. I noticed she was drinking something that smelt like shit but I wanted to keep talking to her and fit in so I grabbed a glass. I knew it was some sort of alcohol so to show off I downed the whole glass... See what I failed to realise was that a) I'd taken from the adult table where the serving was a whole wine glass whereas the kids table was more like a shot in a wine glass,  b) I was 12 and this shit was 40% ethanol. Needless to say I made quite an impression of everyone. I tend to get excited and happy when I'm drunk, right before I crash, kinda like a sugar high. So everyone thought I'd just been into the sweets that were there... Emma ended up being my first kiss, behind some tree in the back yard. I was a very happy camper that night. I didn't even call back. I know right, what a player.

That's my time for today. I'm actually kind of getting bored about writing about different types of alcohol. It's the same mundane list I tick off every time. Some shitty intro, followed up by a bunch of smartass humor about the history of the drink and fairly similar cheesy jokes from post to post. I may start my new blog sooner than expected. I'll keep you guys updated on that though. Hahah look at me, talking like anyone actually reads this. Ah well, see you later.

-Bassam

Soju - For Mongols on the go

So the history lesson begins right off the mark! Exciting, new, fresh and...who am I kidding, no one gives a rats ass where the history lesson comes in. You guys know about arak from my previous posts, because you're all such dedicated readers and all that shit. Yay for you! Also you might want to get your mental health checked out if you've been reading all these posts. Hey I'm just looking out for you, don't be a dick about it. So what the Mongols did was basically kick everyone's ass everywhere. Like a bull in a china shop or a bull anywhere really. I mean it's a fucking bull, it'll fuck whatever it wants up. They picked up certain skills on their many endeavors. Like how to pour molten gold over a surrendering head of state or how to manage supply routes, you know, the day to day things that keep a huge nation running. The most important thing they learnt though was how to make arak. Apparently these mongol snobs didn't quite like the taste of it. I suppose their taste buds have been destroyed by the curdled horse milk they enjoyed so much, and the cheese they made from it. So what they decided to do was to create something new called soju. This drink was mainly produced in Korea around the 13th century. Everyone knows the official story of why the North and South split but only a few of us know the truth...I'll share it with you at great risk to my life. They were arguing over whose soju was better, plain and simple. Like two girls fighting over the same boy for prom night...it gets ugly. And I mean ugly...there's running mascara and tears, ugh. Moooooving on, it says most brands of soju are from South Korea but that's just because the North wants to keep all the good shit to themselves. I'm telling you, don't trust what you hear on the news. What is true though is that the alcohol percentage ranges from 16 to 40 and, unless you're a sorority girl, it is served neat. This is also another grain alcohol, who needs food when you can get drunk. Apparently South Korea needs food because they called a ban in production of soju from 1965 to 1999 due to rice shortages. What madness is this?! 35 whole years without soju...what were the Koreans going to drink. Oh right, I guess they could just import stuff or make other drinks that didn't involve rice...but if I lead with that there'd be no drama. You all love dramas right?

So now that we have all that boring shit out of the way, it's time for me to tell you about a story of mine. So snuggle up, make yourself a cup of tea and get ready to be put to sleep. Fuck...I mean it's relaxing to read not boring. You know what fuck you, I don't see you writing anything so just shut your fat gob. So I went to Uncle Mings, yes! The greatest bar in the world, 55 york street in Sydney. More shameless advertising and still no damn pay. The soju I had basically tasted like bitter water. Even the bitterness was so faint that I didn't notice that it wasn't water... See shit like this is why I have a damaged liver. And that girl I mentioned last post is on my god damn ass to get this thing out already. Mainly because she can't deal with this weird kid in her group. It's kinda funny really. Anyways my mate that was with meat the time thought it'd be funny to give me a whole bottle of this but in the cups they have water in. Long story short after a long stumble to the bus stop I threw up on some lady who slapped me with her purse. I swear the bitch had bricks in there.

Yeah that was pretty much me, the guy on the right.

Are you happy now Allegra?! It's fucking done...jeez, women these days. I swear that's why men started brewing this shit, something had to work. Anyways that's my time for now. As always, drink up.

"I'm so sorry ma'am...that's a nice dress though" - some random blogger in a drunken stupor.

-Bassam

PSA and then some shit about Vodka - Because Russia

Now before I get started there are some things I should mention. So the group project for this blog is over, thank fuck. I finally can delete the other rubbish that was on here. Let's face it...only Viet and I wrote anything good, well maybe not good but half decent at least. The others just copy pasted facts onto here and messed up the whole vibe mannnnn, shit wasn't natural or from the soul *said in a cringe hippy voice*. So since the project is over the natural thing to do here is to stop right? Wrong! Fuck you guys aren't going to get rid of me that easily. I rather enjoyed my rambling and my therapist said it'd be good for me to get my thoughts out on paper, so to speak. Yeah I have a therapist you judgmental fucks. You don't honestly think this kinda shit comes out of a sane person do you? In any case I will be continuing these posts until I die or get bored, not sure which one will come first honestly. I will probably stop posting on this blog in the near future and start up another with a totally different focus, based on my experiences. Yeah I'm young but I've seen some shit. Anyway that is for another time.

Without further adieu let's get back to what this blog is really about, alcohol. So do you guys and gals remember, in the post about sake? Where I mentioned how it's cold as your bitch of an exs heart when it's winter in Japan. In saying that, my most recent break up was alright, maybe they're not all bad. Food for thought! Hahah yeah you didn't think you'd have to think when you came to this blog did you, well tough tits. I'm very stimulating. I just realised how that sounded...no you got me, I don't write anything by accident. Back to my god damn point, if you don't remember the sake post then that's your loss because that was a choice blog post. I'm not about to go spoon feed you the details so go check it out using that side bar thing on the right. So winter in Japan might be cold but do you know where it's colder? Yeah you guessed it, Russia! The title may have given it away so no gold star for you. People say coffee is a hug from the inside...those people obviously haven't tried an Irish coffee. More importantly those people haven't tried or had enough Vodka. Now vodka tastes like absolute shit, hahah vodka joke, but it'll wake you right the hell up and give you a warm and fuzzy feeling inside. Kind of like a litter of puppies pilling on you. If you haven't had a litter of puppies jump on you all at once then go do that shit, they're adorable and fluffy. Either that or drink some vodka.

Now to keep in the spirit of things I'll provide some facts. It's usually around 40% ethanol which is a solid percentage. The funniest thing about this drink though is that it's name comes from a Slavic word for water, vod, yeah you know because it goes down just the same huh. This kind of explains a few of the stereotypes about the Russians and their love of vodka. I suppose it's fitting since it's basically water and ethanol, I mean why add flavour, ain't nobody got time for that when they're freezing their balls off up there. They just want puppy hugs! Don't let Russian people scare you, they're always giving out hugs...in bottles.

I don't really have a story for you about myself this time because I don't really enjoy drinking this stuff. I'd rather poison myself in other ways. But what I do have for you today is a great story of turning vodka into water, or well getting someone to believe that the vodka was water. So this guy was drunk as hell already...I mean he couldn't tell the difference between vodka and water. So what one of my mates decided to do was to play a drinking game, drink for drink. He filled his glass up with water from a vodka bottle and the other guy filled his with actual vodka. The poor soul. About 3 glasses in this guy threw up everywhere...I'm just happy it wasn't my house or I'd still be cleaning that shit up. It was a solid vomit stream, yeah a fucking stream, for at least 20 seconds. Have you guys ever seen supernatural? It looked like when the demons possessed someone or rushed out of them. Except replace that black stuff with vomit for 20 god damn seconds.

That pretty much says it all no? 

"Watch this" - some idiot named Bassam says as he downs a whole bottle before attempting to jump over some barbed wire. Oh yeah...there's that story, just forgot about it. We'll leave that for another time shall we.

That's my time for today folks. Hope you enjoyed this shit as much as I did. Now back to my uni project where my group doesn't show up...again. Fucking, god damn, inconsiderate, uni students...the lot of them! And I just found out this girl I know uses her dog as a motorbike...may life show it mercy. 

-Bassam

The green fairy makes the...*drink*...woah

“After the first glass of absinthe you see things as you wish they were. After the second you see them as they are not. Finally you see things as they really are, and that is the most horrible thing in the world. I mean disassociated. Take a tophat… That is the effect absinthe has, and that is why it drives men mad.”

Sounds hella’ rough doesn’t it? Well goods news, it is. Drinking a pure shot of absinthe will god damn hurt and it probably won’t taste good for you at all, well that’s how it was for me anyway. I would like to know if Sam has tried absinthe, I’d have to ask him. But, I’m sure that dumb ‘kent’ had an excessive amount of it if he has. Absinthe has often been considered to contain aphrodisiac properties, which heighten sexual desire.  Apart from the possibility of it being an aphrodisiac and getting you drunk really quickly absinthe has other effects.

Absinthe's best effects are how well it marries, beds down, gets it together with other ingredients in an amazing range of cocktails. Absinthe may not be an aphrodisiac but it is highly promiscuous! Or as C.F. Lawlor wrote in 1895 in The Mixicologist:

"A cocktail is much improved by the addition of two or three drops of Absinthe."

The alcoholic content of absinthe is about 45% to 74% so you can see why it might get you drunk a little quicker than your average shot of tequila or vodka. It’s nothing like Bacardi which hits 75%, but it does the trick, and it does a hell of a fine job at making cocktails taste better. 

Absinthe was one of my very first spirits, probably a poor choice seeing as I had a straight shot and I almost died (but not really), I got to say I don’t fancy it straight at all, but when it’s put in the right cocktail it really makes the difference.

If you are keen enough get out there one night and try some Absinthe straight. If you aren’t game try it in a cocktail. But fair warnings to the faint-hearted, if you don’t have the stomach, liver or heart to handle the burn, just do it. You will most likely regret it, but YOLO right? You never heard it from me.

Drink the booze and get fabulous!

~~~ Viet

References:

Info from:

http://realabsinthe.blogspot.com.au

http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/335553-after-the-first-glass-of-absinthe-you-see-things-as

Pictures from:

http://followthefatguy.blogspot.com.au/2010_05_01_archive.html

http://www.someecards.com/usercards/viewcard/MjAxMS03Yjk0MGMzMGYyNmNlZjNl

Brew of the Gods! - Mead

I’m back with another fascinating and over enthusiastic story everyone! Sadly for you all, I will not be shit talking Sam for half of the post, so don’t get your hopes up. Instead I’m going to be telling you about the drink of the pagan Vikings, mead.

I bet you didn’t know the term ‘Honeymoon’ owed its origin to mead! It was a tradition in the ages of the Vikings where for the first month (moon) of marriage a bride was given mead to promote fertility. In other words, she was given mead so that the husband would bound to have some action for the first month of marriage.

Mead is one of, if not the oldest alcoholic drink known to mankind. It’s a form of wine made with honey instead of grape juice (thank the gods). We usually associate  mead with the Vikings and in the Pagan community with modern day Norse Pagans or Asatrus. It’s alcoholic content can range from about 8% to more than 20%.  It can be still, carbonated or naturally sparkling, and it may be dry, semi-sweet or sweet.

To make mead you need honey, and to make honey you need bees. Without the bees you have no mead! There are a variety of mead flavours depending on the source of honey, additives including fruit and spices, and the yeast employed during fermentation and the aging process. Sounds bloody delicious. Honey is liquid gold, so why not make an alcoholic drink out it?! If you’re a honey lover and an alcoholic enthusiast you have got to try some mead, I’m definitely going to try some if I ever get the chance. Maybe tomorrow night?

Okay, sooo…. In Sam’s post on Arak, he said that someone with a damaged liver from excessive alcohol consumption is a like a fat chef, I will have to agree. I’m saying this because I haven’t tried mead before. But you know, after having done my ‘research’ on mead I have come to the conclusion I must try it. Yes. You heard me. I haven’t tried Mead, yet I’m talking about it. Well screw you guy!/girl. I don’t take shit from no man!/woman.

So go out there my fellow enthusiasts of the alcoholic kind and try some mead if you haven’t already. If you’re lucky you might find a love interest likes mead as much as you might ;) They do say Honey lovers stick together ;) 

Get your Viking on!
~~~  Viet

References:

Info from:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mead

http://bijlmakers.com/mead/

Pictures from:

http://static.someecards.com/someecards/usercards/1346974498546_35767.png

http://37.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mc9edwwXcK1qfxpfzo1_500.jpg

Why we drink

So all of these posts have had a specific drink for a topic and our boring ass stories relating to the fore mentioned beverage. Yeah that's right, fancy words...kinda. I thought I'd change it up a little today and talk some shit about why we drink. Yes we. I'm including you! Feel special, give yourself a pat on the back. I've acknowledged you.

Let me tell you why alcohol is fucking great. First of all it has a myriad of uses, yeah I'm just busting out the vocab today. If you've had a good day then you should celebrate with a drink, get drunk, make some mistakes and balance out your day with of all the drunk decisions you've made. It's a necessary evil used to even out the world. You could also have a few if your day has been pretty shit, just to add some colour to your day and incidentally to your cheeks as well. Maybe your wife left you, you lost your favourite pen, Game of Thrones just got cancelled...you know all the terrible first world problems that can pop up. 

              *Insert tangent here* I mean I don't usually let you know but this is my god damn blog and I'll do what I want. I swear if Game of Thrones gets cancelled, or George R.R. Martin dies before finishing the books, I'm going to have another one of those benders. The last one was because Robert Jordan died before finishing the The Wheel of Time series... It was fucking 14 books and the last 3 were written by this imbecile by the name of Brandon Sanderson who ruined the entire thing! Ugh...I need a drink. And yes I read! For fuck sake, why are you so damn judgy all the time, you're not my mother.

              Another reason we drink is because clubs would suck without alcohol. Fuck that was a seamless transition. What's the first thing you do in a club, yeah that's right you go to the bar and spend all your cash on drinks so you can have fun. Hey fuck you, I know what you're thinking, "This asshole goes and spends his money on drinks wherever he goes, why is he picking on clubs? I love getting my dance on. I always get girls at the club and they so fine. Why am I hitting myself? Oh that's because I'm stupid." Yeah, that's you. The only way you enjoy clubs is if you get drunk or high. Ever been to a club where you had fun and weren't drunk or high, yeah I didn't think so. *Drops the mic and walks away* 

*Quickly rushes back to take the mic because he has some more dumb shit to say* My favourite reason to drink is because it's Monday, or really just any day. Let's face it, alcohol makes everything better, that's a fact. I mean if you go overboard and fuck your life up by knocking some chick up then I'd say alcohol isn't for you. But for seasoned veterans such as myself who know how to somewhat control themselves in their drunken stupor, it's the best thing ever. Everyone always says "Getting drunk shows the real you." Hipsters say this shit because they think it makes them sound smart but more importantly it lets them justify all the dumb shit they wear. It's true that alcohol reduces inhibitions and we start to forget societal expectations, which turns us into a bunch of horny, drooling, baby animals. At the end of the day all these higher level functions, that alcohol seems to remove, are what make us human and who we are. It's more accurate to say that alcohol turns us into what we'd be like if we were cavemen. "Oh girl! Me like. Me keep." Yeah, cavemen. 

I'm afraid that's all I have time for today, yeah I know you're all so broken up about it. Remember, drink up but don't fuck up...well don't fuck up too badly anyway. 

-Bassam 

References:

Info from my wonderful and fucked up brain

Picture from http://drunkard.com/issues/03_06/0306_40_reasons.html

Arak - First drink ever

So a few things that I'd like to clear up. As cute as Viet is for trying to take some shots at me, I have trouble understanding how an underling can be superior. He should just stick to being my underling and not get too big a head about me allowing him to bask in my presence. Secondly, the liver thing. Generally fat chefs are trusted more because at least you know they love their food. The same goes with an alcoholic with a liver problem. At least you know I'm all about this stuff and I'm not some two bit hack. I'm totally not insinuating that Viet by any means is a two bit hack, he may or may not be...all I know is that he's not the one with the liver damage.

Now down to business, just let me find my drink...where the fuck did I... Right ok, drink, blanket and tv going on in the background, the perfect blogging environment. It might be the booze talking but I love who ever is reading this shit. Let's face it, it's terrible and the fact that you'd take the time out of your very short existence to read my ramblings is bloody crazy. As much as I love you I love Arak more. Let me tell you a little story about this wonderful drink. So the first time I had this was maybe 3...yeah shut up, it's not like my parents handed it to me or anything, it was just lying around. So basically I was young and naive. Unlike my current state in where I know all about the world through my various exploits, most of which are fueled by alcohol. Yeah yeah I know, get to the fucking point Bassam. So I waddled up to the table where all the grown ups were drinking and pulled a fast one. Next thing you know I'm laying on my back, face all red, laughing uncontrollably. It was then that I knew my true calling...I must get more of this goodness!

I'd like to think I was as suave as this little guy.

Anyway, according to Wikipedia arak is a Levantine drink which apparently has something to do with the Ottoman Empire. All I know is that those guys were pretty comfortable, hehehe, ok yeah...lame joke, shut up. The word arak means sweet in arabic, oh yeah I didn't even have to look that one up. Arab represent! Habib I swear, just add a spoiler to your car and it'll look fully sik cuz. Moving on...arak is usually 40-60% ethanol and around 80-120 proof. I'm already craving it just looking at these numbers, oh these sexy numbers. If you don't like aniseed then you'll hate this bad boy. It's made by fermenting grapes, yeah yeah like wine but it's not wine so shut your gob. The stills used are made from copper or steel and then come in two different shapes, pot or column. After all that it's mixed with aniseed to give it that final finish. When it is all filtered out it should be a clear liquid, but when you add water to it it turns white! How fucking trippy is that...like you need to confuse a drunk person some more by adding magic to the equation.

I love this drink. Yeah I love every drink but this one more than most. It's probably my second favourite, right after tequila. When I can't get my hands on arak I go for uzo, which is the Greek version of it.

Oh and next time Viet...make sure you actually come up with some good calls.

That's my time for the day, hopefully my group will get their asses into gear and help me finish this damned project. I'll just leave you with this wonderful analysis of what arak does to you..."Dad...the room is spinning" - 13 year old Bassam.

-Bassam

References:
Picture from http://www.owned.com/tag/drunk+meme/page/2/
Info from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arak_(drink)

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, they say...

Nice to see you all again! *sarcasm*

Yes, yes. I know, I know. You want Bassam (I call him Sam), well guess what, you ain't getting him today, instead you are getting his much more superior underling, Viet, me. Unlike Sam however, my liver won't be giving out anytime soon, so I'm pretty sure I got a lifetime of drinking to look forward to!

Now you see, I'm a sucker for beer, stuff mixes, stuff wines, stuff spirits, I'm a beer kind of guy. They say a fine beer can be judged with only one sip, but it's better be thoroughly sure. 

I gotta tell Sam about this place!

But, I'm not here to talk about beer, sadly. I'm here to talk about my go to alcoholic beverage if beer is not available, cider. For all you amateurs out there who don't know a single thing about cider, it is a fermented alcoholic beverage made out of apple juice. The alcoholic content of such beverages usually range from 3% to 8%. If you're from the United States or Germany, you better know this beverage as Apple Wine. Ewww, the word wine just makes me cringe. I hate the stuff (no hate pls), so lets keep calling it cider shall we?

So obviously cider is going to have a hint of apple essence to it, because it's made from apple juice, if you didn't figure that out by now, you're a mong. Previous experience at pubs and bars leads me to believe the general consensus for cider is that its an inferior product - compared to beer, of course it is. However, in my opinion, separate to my beliefs on beer it is NOT an inferior alcoholic beverage (not taking into account beer) that is consumed in large amounts by cheap-ass uni and college students alike. HELL NAW! It has some suave, style, sophistication (alliteration op) and tonnes of complexity if it's done right. So go out of your way for once and try some cider if you haven't already next time your out on the town. Tell them the functioning alcoholics sent you, that will surely send you a few "wtf?" stares from the bartenders. 

Ciders can be what the "professionals" call either dry to sweet in flavour. You can tell it's a cider just by looking at it in most cases, their appearances range from cloudy with sediment to completely clear, and their colour ranges from light yellow to orange to brown. Most of this depends on the filtering, pressing and fermentation process. The apple variety used will also effect whether the cider produced is clear or not, ciders can be made sparking or still; the sparking version being more common - to which I prefer.

So go out there my fellow alcohol enthusiasts and buy a cider next time your out, and remember, tell the bartenders the functioning alcoholics @ "functioningalcoholicsblogspot.com" sent you and tell them about us - a ploy for free advertising. Remember kiddies, a cider a day, keeps the doctor away.

Drink up my friends! 
~~~  Viet

References:
Info from:

• http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cider

Pictures from: 

• http://www.pinterest.com/pin/389561436488853868/
• http://www.pinterest.com/pin/389561436488738555/

Wine - Because who needs water

"Fuck water is boring, ya'll need some wine" - Jesus. Yeah, I went there.

I'm back my friends, or well anyone who's depressed enough to be reading this terrible blog. So the thing is...I'm not the best son in the world, I almost forgot that it was mothers day today. I know I should be shunned! I mean I didn't completely forget so hold off on the angry mob for a second while I rant for a bit about wine. Oh right, that anecdote about mothers day actually has something to do with wine, crazy right. So basically what happened was that dad casually asked last night around 11 pm if I'd gotten mum a present. Of course I replied over enthusiastically to cover up the fact that I was fighting the urge to shit myself because I'd forgotten all about it. And yeah a bloody great time to remind your forgetful son about mothers day right, I'm convinced he knew I'd forgotten and it was all a set up. In any case this morning I went down to good old Dan Murphys, yeah yeah shut up, and picked up this wine she's been going on and on about. Yeah fuck you for thinking I can't remember anything at all, you judgmental so and so. Anyway, I don't know much about wine but this damn thing was a $200 Chardonnay. Guess who just went from a shit son to a...well slightly less shitty one. Yeah, you guessed it. Me! It was me. I should be a game show host... I mean I could just drink to cover up the stage fright and who doesn't like watching drunk people try to do things. That's a million dollar idea right there! This blog is going to make me rich, the ideas it gives me a gold. Fuck, where was I...oh right! So bla bla she was happy with it, good for me, yay.

I've said this before and I'll be dammed if I don't say it a few more times before my liver completely gives out and I lay in a hospital bed wondering why they aren't handing me a shot glass to dull the pain. Huh...that reminds me...I need a drink! Back to my point, I've never been the biggest fan of wine. I mean I'll drink it but it wouldn't be my first choice. Let's be real, I'm an alcoholic, it's not like I'd skip drinking if all there is is wine.

So let's get through this boring stuff about how wine is made and all that jazz. So wine is usually made from grapes, great. The dream is to have some busty chick, in some transparent dress, feed you grapes while you lay on your throne, sipping wine and decide the fate of your subjects. No? Just me then...awkward. It can also be made from other fruit but we've all decided that grapes are the shit when it comes to making wine. I bet the grapes talk shit in the fruit stores, acting all high and mighty just because they are squished up and fermented using yeast to create some of the most elegant blends in the world. These blends just tickle your taste buds, or so my gay friend told me. According to Wikipedia, don't knock it it got me through high school with flying colours, the first records of wine are traced back to Georgia around 6000 BC. It then made its way to Greece and Rome where they loved this shit so much that they were convinced that this was god sent. The Greeks had Dionysus, literally the god of parties, and then the Romans were all like, "Man that shit looks g, let's just say that Dionysus is our god too". Usually the Romans would at least change the names of the gods they 'adapted' but in this case they were all probably too drunk to care.

Just look at these two smug bastards, sipping on that wine. He's going to ruin her later tonight.

"One should always be drunk. That's all that matters...But with what? With wine, with poetry, or with virtue, as you chose. But get drunk." - Charles Baudelaire

Wise words from my good mate Charles. Speaking for myself...I'd pick wine, who gives a rats ass about virtue or poetry these days, amirite? That's all I really have to say about this topic today. So you know, piss off and I'll see you around later or something.

-Bassam

References:
Info from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wine
Picture from http://winetastingguy.com/

Sake - the good wine

Seeing as my favourite bar is oriental themed I'm surprised it took me this long to ramble on about sake. Oh! If you're ever in Sydney you should check out Uncle Mings bar on 55 York street. Yes, shameless advertising. I don't even get paid for this. I should ask for a raise. Well I'll ask for a job then a raise, it tends to work better in my experience. So it's settled, I'll get a job at a bar, what could possibly go wrong.

So sake...where was I, right, wine. I'm not a fan of wine but sake is different. Why you ask? Well for one it doesn't taste rank unlike wine. I mean if there's wine around I'll drink it, I'm not a snob. All I'm saying is that it wouldn't be my first choice. I suppose it's because, being a uni student, I've never had the money to afford anything other than sub par wine. Just for now let's ignore my bias and get down to the objective truth. Haha yeah right, this is my blog and I'll do what I want. 

In any case sake, also known as rice wine, is made of rice. Shocker. All those rice fields would seem kind of pointless without sake so I'm happy they found a good use for them. According to my comprehensive research that I did in a few minutes just then, the process of brewing sake is more similar to beer than wine. I know right, I'm pretty quick, ladies line up. Wait, no, shit, that's not what I meant at all. You know what, I'm too tired to care.

Sake is relatively new compared to the other beverages we have been dealing with. The first known record is said to be in the Book of Wei, I'm told it's a classic, as early as 710 AD.

There are three ways to serve sake, hot, at room temperature or cold. These three ways to serve sake are mainly due to the seasons and quality of sake. During Japanese winters, according to scientists, it's cold enough to freeze your balls off. Due to these sub zero temperatures, I did says freeze, the Japanese decided to warm the sake up. This is of course reversed for the summer, unless you're some sort of sadistic bastard who enjoys more heat in the summer. The highest quality sake is never heated because the falvour is lost by doing so. More importantly the rich people who bought this sake had climate control or some magic installed in their homes in order to prevent certain articles from falling off.

On a more serious note, sake is used in Shinto rituals in order to communicate with the gods. I don't know how much they drink at these things but it sure sounds like one of my nights. 

Whatever your reason for drinking sake is it's always a great choice and if you don't drink sake keep this in mind "sake is bloody brilliant" - Jesus. I'm pretty sure that's a direct quote. Even Jesus drank sake, so what's your excuse?

-Bassam

References:
Picture from http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2009/06/11/christs-sake/
Info from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sake

Tequila - the forget me drink

Tequila is by far my favourite drink in a party setting, you don't have to drink much of it to get drunk so there aren't as many urgent pisses you have to take. It's like a little novelty act when you take shots with lemon and salt and there's also the added bonus of being able to do body shots! If someone isn't a fan of body shots you should get as far away from that person as possible because they are either a) a robot, b) a zombie, c) a spy or d) someone who has matured far into adulthood and who seeks to suck all the joy and happiness out from your life! The latter is the more possible but always keep a look out for the other three...you never know, you never know.

Apparently tequila never gives you a hangover and so far this has rung true for me. I always thought it was because I was special, my mother always tells me, but apparently she's a liar and tequila is amazing. Listen...you can get drunk and not feel like shit the next day...you aren't going to get a better deal than that! Now I know it seems like I'm over excited about tequila but I'm just the right amount of excited. I've never seen someone become that sad, angry or even loner drunk off tequila, they're always as happy as a kid in a toy store except this store has the potential of women saying "try me". Again...if someone isn't happy off tequila remember, robot, zombie, spy, mature adult.

The first time I ever tried tequila, publicly, was when I turned 18...I know very late but who gives a shit. Not to say I didn't ever drink before 18...wait...I mean who knows if I did or not. Drinking before 18 is illegal and I would never in all my years cross the line of legality...never. Shit I almost forgot this was in internet, you never know who's reading this stuff. Sorry sometimes I tend to trail off and...oh a puppy. Anyways back to my story, my friend, let's call him Richard Johnson, the smart ones get it. So Dick, I thought I'd spell it out for you slower folks, brought a friend who was in the navy at the time. Ok so this friend of Dicks needs a name so let's call him Tug, sorry I can't help myself. Ok so Dick told Tug that I'd be his new drinking buddy...I don't remember much of that night but what I do know this that first we got cut off at a restaurant. I suppose they figured that 30 shots between two people was about enough for the two or so hours we were there. Since it was tequila they knew that the worst they'd have to deal with is two drunk guys trying to hug them to get more. Hey I know it's not the most exciting story but sue me, I said the first time I tried tequila not the time I took body shots off a stripper...shut up! Don't judge me!

I need a drink and you all need to re-evaluate your lives, you're reading the ramblings of some drunk uni student.

Tequila, because hangovers suck nobs. Thank you Richard Johnson and Tug.

-Bassam

References:
Picture from http://www.someecards.com/usercards/viewcard/MjAxMy02ZGNmYjM3ZDY0ZmJkZWIw
Info from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tequila

Rum - unleash your inner swashbuckler

I don't know about you but every time I get drunk off rum I manage to convince myself that I'm a pirate...those Pirates of the Caribbean movies didn't help that at all. I'm told it's quite entertaining for those around me especially when I start digging holes for treasure. Everyone has their drunk stories so I know I'm not alone in these ridiculous antics, but it would be comforting to hear of fellow swashbucklers out there.

Rum has two main categories, we're excluding the ones for cooking because hey we're functioning alcoholics and who ever got drunk from rum flavored chocolates, and they are red and white. But you know what, we're alcoholics and if there's something we know it's our drinks so let's have a little self respect here, don't worry I picked up on the irony, and list off all the different types of rum.

There are dark rums that are made from molasses or caramelised sugar and they are aged longer than usual which gives them their stronger flavours.

Next on the list are flavoured rums. Pretty self explanatory but for those of us who are drunk, I'm assuming a good few of you, they are rums that are infused with fruit. Yes I know...crazy right fruit is good for something important not like it's current uses such as curing scurvy and malnutrition.

Light rums these ones are the white ones, yeah the sweet ones made for girls. They filter these drinks after aging and they are widely used for mixers. No respected alcoholic would be caught dead with a  mixer.

Gold rums are the mid point between light rum and dark rum...great, exciting stuff.

Moving on, overproof rums are the ones that put hair on your chest, these are much stronger than the typical rum, 40% ethanol, they can be as much as 80% ethanol!

Spiced rums are my personal favourite because they have a bit more flavour and kick to them. There's also the added benefit of people not giving you weird looks when you drink it straight...unlike with white rum.

The Caribbean and Latin America produce most of the worlds rum, again...pirates. Although despite these places currently being the hubs of rum production, rum was originally thought to have been produced first in the areas now known as India and China.

You can also mix rum with beer or water in order to form grog, I've never tried it and I had just learnt about it now while researching but I think that will be my next port of call! I fear that writing these short entries may be a determent to my health due to the goodies I find out about, but future me can always worry about that later.

Honestly rum is one of the better alcoholic beverages out there, it's up in my top three for sure.

"Fifteen men on the dead man's chest
Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum!
Drink and the devil had done for the rest
Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum!"
Louis Stevenson

We're all pirates

-Bassam

References:
Info from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rum
Picture from http://www.keepcalm-o-matic.co.uk/p/y-argh-keep-calm-drink-rum-and-ye-be-a-pirate/

For the Love of Whiskey

Whiskey, whiskey, whiskey. A talk about whiskey.

As Mark Twain once said, " Too much of anything is bad, but too much of good whiskey is barely enough."

The world of whiskey is an exciting place with much variety and innovation. It is produced in so many distilleries in Scotland and around the globe, all distilling in different styles of spirit in different ways. The more whiskey we can get our hands on, the better!

Whiskey has been around for about 500-1000 years. It just has three fundamental ingredients - water, barley and yeast. The world got a lot more classier when wiskey came about 1000 years ago. You might not even be a whiskey fan, but you have to admit it looks damn classy when you are drinking it.

How you drink whiskey makes all the difference. The flavour that stays on your tongue is the most enjoyable part for avid whiskey lovers. The most important thing is not to drink the whisky too fast (like a cheap shot of Tequila). Rather, one should savour the flavours in your mouth to get the maximum gains! When you swallow it there will naturally be an alcoholic burn, which is what puts off the majority of people from drinking this smooth beverage. You have to let this pass as it after this where the whisky shows its true nature. The finishing complex after taste that whiskey has is what separates it from all other spirits. Once you pass the burn many flavours begin to reveal themselves, some of them being extremely subtle.

There are typically five stage in the process of making this delightful drink - malting, mashing, fermentation, distillation and maturation.

Did you know that the spirit must mature in a cask for a minimum of three years to be legally called a whiskey in Scotland? Maturation is where the flavour and aroma develop giving the whiskey its own characteristics.

So how should you drink your whiskey? Should you add water or ice to it? This is one of most common questions for those new to whiskey. 

Many avid drinkers say that you shouldn't add anything to your whiskey under any circumstance. But this is outdated! However, it is recommended you do try it without water or ice first as that is as it comes from the bottle in the first instance. They say not to add anything because you taste the whiskey in its natural form from which has been matured.

Adding a few drops of water to a whiskey can open up different, new and subtle flavours that you had previously not experienced before adding it. By adding some water, this dilutes the alcohol and reduces the burning effect and gives a chance for the flavours to shine. It is completely up to you how much water you add.

Ice inhibits the flavours of a whiskey, as it makes the temperature drop rapidly. Although it may be more refreshing and calm the burn, it can make the whiskey taste dull and flat. The aromas and flavours will only reveal themselves once the whiskey warms up to room temperature.

Ensure you use still water not carbonated. Additionally, the water or ice you add should come from a mineral source or be distilled. Tap water in most locations world wide contain high levels of chlorine and this will partially mask the flavours of the whiskey.

Ultimately, it is up to you, the drinker, what you do with the whiskey. It's completely up to your preference. But seriously, next time you go out for a drink, or even when you are just chilling at home - grab a glass of whiskey and sip away my friend. Because I for one will be doing just that.

"Whiskey, like a beautiful woman, demands appreciation. You gaze first, then it's time to drink." - Haruki Murakami, Hard-Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World 

Drink up! 
~~~  Viet

Welcome to this blog :)

Introduction/a talk about beer

This first post is most likely going to be boring because I'm tried and drunk. Just to clear things up, you don't matter.

Alcohol; because no good story starts with someone eating a salad - Unknown

This blog will be run by a group of students for an assignment. We've chosen to write about alcohol because well...we're uni students so what else do we really talk about. We'll be covering a brief overview over the history of different types of alcoholic beverages as well as their effects and we may even throw in a few stories here and there.

So this first one will be about beer, who doesn't like to knock back a couple of cold ones.
Beer has four ingredients that include grains (most often barely), water, yeast and hops. Beer may date as far back as 9500 BC but the first known records were between 3500-3100 BC in western Iran. As you can see people have been getting drunk for a while now and honestly we're getting pretty good at it.

The first step is malting, this involves harvesting the grain, heating it to dry it out and then cracking. This is done in order to ready the enzymes for brewing.

The next step is mashing which involves soaking the grains in hot water in order to activate the enzymes and release the sugars. After about an hour the water is drained leaving a liquid called wort.

The step after that is boiling where the wort is boiled with the hops and any other spices that the brewer wishes to add to the mix. This is then drained and ready for fermentation.

The last steps are fermentation and aging. After the boiled wort is cooled it is fermented with the use of yeast. After this it is then bottled and the carbon dioxide produced by the yeast naturally carbonates the beer.

All in all who really cares about how it is made as long as it gets you drunk enough so a 3 turns into a 7. As long as one of your sober mates, we call them boring, isn't there to tell you what a horrible thing you've done it's all good. But hey in the end, using the wise words of The Lonely Island..."doesn't matter, had sex". Thank you alcohol.

Drinking beer doesn't make you fat, It makes you lean...against bars, tables, chairs, and poles  - Unknown

Just look how happy this little guy is. This could be you!

- Bassam

References:
Info from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beer
Picture from http://www.clipartbest.com/beer-keg-pictures